September 10 2012 Monday at 04:18 AM

Magic Mormon Marks of Masonry

Declared by the Mormons as sacred, magical, and holy, Mormon underwear are only endowed with magical properties once four Masonic symbols are stitched into the fabric. Just a few short weeks after joining the Masons, Joseph Smith introduced the magic underwear with two marks over each nipple. These are the classic "compass" and "square" markings from Free Masonry. Hoping to impress young female followers (many of whom he would secretly marry), he told them the symbols had a deeper meaning. The very suggestive "V" stands for feminine sexual power. 


Standing at attention and ready to serve, the "L" represents the essence of masculine vitality.

The other two marks are rods placed over the navel and the knee. The first of those two rods represents the rod of Min. (Mormons have historically been especially fond of the Egyptian god Min--connecting Min with their temple worship.)


The second is pharaoh's rod.

So the very phallic symbols are, in fact, symbolic phalluses. 

For those interested, you can find a treasure-trove of Dan Brown-like information online about magic underwear symbolism. Be sure to wear magic underpants of your own while you're digitally sleuthing. They don't just prevent burns and stop bullets, they make you smarter too!